recovering from an affair is the most traumatic ordeal in the world as the hurt, pain and anger appear to take up residence in your heart and declines to move no matter what you attempt. This does not need to be the case though as we all have the choice to be happy and we all have the choice to change our outlook and bring other people along with this change of heart which can fix even the rockiest relationship.
The choice is an extremely important aspect of the healing process. It isn't as simple as merely waking up one and choosing to leave it all behind you as some people might attempt to do and end up lying to themselves, but instead it is the choice to stop grieving over the affair and to stop grieving over the lost marriage that once was and instead turn your sights to the future.
This means that the hurt and anger must be fixed so that you can get rid of the negativity from your mind in order to make that choice with a clear purpose and without falling again to anger and depression. How to do part for many people honest discussions about the extramarital affair and all that it entails.
The anxiety and fear about doing this can make many people feel physically ill as we shy away from finding out about details of your spouse in the embrace of another lover but that is not the point of it. The reason to discuss their affair is to discover the real reasons why they cheated on you beyond simple lust because most extramarital affairs happen because one partner is not getting something they want out of your marriage and end up looking for an emotional connection elsewhere.
This DOESN'T mean it was your fault before you think of it as such! Your partner made the decision to cheat. THEY chose to abandon their vows not you.
What it does mean is that if you know where your partnership may have left your lover unfulfilled you can address that hurdle taking consideration that it was serious enough to drive them to an affair so you can work to overcome those problems. It also means you can air your own feelings of rage and hurt in a civilized fashion with both of you in a "discussion" not an "argument". Only through this cathartic and informative discussion will you recover from an affair enough to eliminate the negativity to be able to make that choice … the choice to move in and create something new.
If you want more information on how to recover from an affair, click below to discover how you can turn your affair haunted marriage into a new, stronger and better one.
surviving an affair
Monday, May 10, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Ideas On How To Fix A Sexless Marriage Fast
When learning how to fix a sexless marriage your initial steps must be the correct ones or you may push your already strained marriage to a new low.
Avoid Making These Mistakes
Don't Get Angry
Unfortunately your anger is definitely your enemy here. Unleashing this anger will result in a further widening of the gap between you and your partner.
Don't Be Sexually Forceful
You need to ensure that you don't let your anger lead you into becoming overly aggressive in your advances.
You need to make sure that you avoid becoming forceful and instead focus on a softer approach
Don't Make it About You
While communication is crucial to help fix your sexless marriage there are some thing you should avoid discussing. One thing not to do is steer the conversation toward how hard done by YOU are. While it may be true it will make you sound selfish and weak in your partner’s eyes which will get you no closer to your goal.
The First Thing to Do to Fix a Sexless Marriage- Look to Yourself
At some stage your partner lost interest in you sexually. It is important for you to try and discover why this is and reverse the situation. By improving yourself you will make yourself more attractive.
At some stage in the past there was sexual chemistry - by being positive about yourself you are creating a situation this chemistry can be ignited once again
For more sexless marriage advice click below to get the advice you need to bring back intimacy and passion no matter how dire things may seem.
Fix Sexless Marriage
Avoid Making These Mistakes
Don't Get Angry
Unfortunately your anger is definitely your enemy here. Unleashing this anger will result in a further widening of the gap between you and your partner.
Don't Be Sexually Forceful
You need to ensure that you don't let your anger lead you into becoming overly aggressive in your advances.
You need to make sure that you avoid becoming forceful and instead focus on a softer approach
Don't Make it About You
While communication is crucial to help fix your sexless marriage there are some thing you should avoid discussing. One thing not to do is steer the conversation toward how hard done by YOU are. While it may be true it will make you sound selfish and weak in your partner’s eyes which will get you no closer to your goal.
The First Thing to Do to Fix a Sexless Marriage- Look to Yourself
At some stage your partner lost interest in you sexually. It is important for you to try and discover why this is and reverse the situation. By improving yourself you will make yourself more attractive.
At some stage in the past there was sexual chemistry - by being positive about yourself you are creating a situation this chemistry can be ignited once again
For more sexless marriage advice click below to get the advice you need to bring back intimacy and passion no matter how dire things may seem.
Fix Sexless Marriage
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Discover The Steps To Rebuilding A Marriage After Infidelity
How do you go about rebuilding a marriage after infidelity - where trust has been shattered and forgiveness seems unachievable. Once the affair is revealed, it often places more strain than the marriage can handle
Some couples will be up for the challenge, but there are others who will be lost and have very little clue as to what their first step should be. In short they need help
There is one key element however in this that the majority of couples wind up ignoring while attempting to rebuild a marriage after infidelity. When people ignore this key element, they often bring about their own downfall as the communication they sorely require cannot take place
This element is trying to hold on to the past and recreate your old marriage. While you might want your old life back, before this happened... or at least before you were aware of the infidelity... it cannot happen. Your old life is gone, your old marriage is no more and trying to revive it is like trying to stick a square peg into a round hole.
Instead you need to look at this as the start of a brand new marriage.Looking to the past is a good way to destroy your future. Looking to the future can increase your chances of actually having a future.
So step one is to acknowledge this and let go of those old things. Do not forget them - but do not pretend it can be like it was before. Rebuilding marriage after infidelity has a greater chance of success if this can be done successfully
For more information on Marriage After Infidelity click below to read my story of infidelity and healing and how it can help YOU.
Some couples will be up for the challenge, but there are others who will be lost and have very little clue as to what their first step should be. In short they need help
There is one key element however in this that the majority of couples wind up ignoring while attempting to rebuild a marriage after infidelity. When people ignore this key element, they often bring about their own downfall as the communication they sorely require cannot take place
This element is trying to hold on to the past and recreate your old marriage. While you might want your old life back, before this happened... or at least before you were aware of the infidelity... it cannot happen. Your old life is gone, your old marriage is no more and trying to revive it is like trying to stick a square peg into a round hole.
Instead you need to look at this as the start of a brand new marriage.Looking to the past is a good way to destroy your future. Looking to the future can increase your chances of actually having a future.
So step one is to acknowledge this and let go of those old things. Do not forget them - but do not pretend it can be like it was before. Rebuilding marriage after infidelity has a greater chance of success if this can be done successfully
For more information on Marriage After Infidelity click below to read my story of infidelity and healing and how it can help YOU.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
How to Cope In A Sexless Marriage - Tips To Rediscover Your Passion
How to cope in a sexless marriage takes a level of commitment to change and solutions that sadly many men and women find difficult to achieve. It is a constant battle with anger, frustration and depression even if things are very bad in your marriage but take heart because there are way of coping for sexless couples that lead to more passion and an end to lonely nights in the same bed.
Dealing with your emotions is crucial to working this out. By maintaining your anger all the time you will end up driving your partner further away as opposed to making them more attracted to you
You need to assess yourself and decide if your confidence has taken a bit of a beating. Confidence is one of the traits that will increase your attractiveness so it needs to be an obvious quality you exude.
Starting the conversation is an important step you need to take. Make sure that you spend more time listening and less time talking.
Knowing how to cope in a sexless marriage can't really be taught. Each marriage is unique but as long as the love is still there you have hope.
For more information and help about sexless marriages then click below for advice from two people who have been through it have been able to cope in a sexless marriage
Sexless Couples
Dealing with your emotions is crucial to working this out. By maintaining your anger all the time you will end up driving your partner further away as opposed to making them more attracted to you
You need to assess yourself and decide if your confidence has taken a bit of a beating. Confidence is one of the traits that will increase your attractiveness so it needs to be an obvious quality you exude.
Starting the conversation is an important step you need to take. Make sure that you spend more time listening and less time talking.
Knowing how to cope in a sexless marriage can't really be taught. Each marriage is unique but as long as the love is still there you have hope.
For more information and help about sexless marriages then click below for advice from two people who have been through it have been able to cope in a sexless marriage
Sexless Couples
Can You Salvage Your Marriage After Infidelity Happens?
Marriage after infidelity can be a nightmare of suspicion, emotional hurt, arguments and a slow descent towards separation and divorce.But if you are desperate to save your marriage, there are definitely ways you can both work together to make a new and improved relationship a reality. Some ideas for how to do this are listed below...
A huge part of recovering from your partners involvement in an affair is to look ahead and work out how to forgive your partner for their betrayal.This is not easy though and can take a long time to do for some people and a shorter time for others but it is possible if you remember these few tips:
Build a new marriage
It is very easy for a married couple to attempt to move past an affair by simply attempting to turn their marriage back to how it was before the incident took place... even when there were obviously problems that needed to be dealt with. Unfortunately in most situations this is not really possible. The trust that has been shattered means the past cannot be reclaimed and your relationship cannot be mended in such a simple manner.
The affair may be forgiven but it will never be forgotten, and so a new version of your relationship will need to be developed that allows you to move aheadand continue building your life together.
Banish anger and resentment
No one can begrudge you feeling as betrayed as you do, but it is important to avoid allowing yourself to become a slave to these feelings.By letting these emotions get the better of you, you risk driving an even larger wedge between you and your partner which may prove impossible to overcome
If you feel yourself caving in to the rage, step back, take a pause and resume when you are ready. A successful recovery from infidelity in marriage is dependent on your ability to keep communication open when your anger tells you to shut them down.
Do you want to know more about surviving an affair and fixing the trust and love in your marriage? If so click below to hear my story and how it can help you.
saving marriage after infidelity
A huge part of recovering from your partners involvement in an affair is to look ahead and work out how to forgive your partner for their betrayal.This is not easy though and can take a long time to do for some people and a shorter time for others but it is possible if you remember these few tips:
Build a new marriage
It is very easy for a married couple to attempt to move past an affair by simply attempting to turn their marriage back to how it was before the incident took place... even when there were obviously problems that needed to be dealt with. Unfortunately in most situations this is not really possible. The trust that has been shattered means the past cannot be reclaimed and your relationship cannot be mended in such a simple manner.
The affair may be forgiven but it will never be forgotten, and so a new version of your relationship will need to be developed that allows you to move aheadand continue building your life together.
Banish anger and resentment
No one can begrudge you feeling as betrayed as you do, but it is important to avoid allowing yourself to become a slave to these feelings.By letting these emotions get the better of you, you risk driving an even larger wedge between you and your partner which may prove impossible to overcome
If you feel yourself caving in to the rage, step back, take a pause and resume when you are ready. A successful recovery from infidelity in marriage is dependent on your ability to keep communication open when your anger tells you to shut them down.
Do you want to know more about surviving an affair and fixing the trust and love in your marriage? If so click below to hear my story and how it can help you.
saving marriage after infidelity
Monday, December 28, 2009
Marriage After Infidelity - How to Cope with an Affair in Marriage
marriage after infidelity is not easy and a lot of married couples cannot find a way to rebuild their marriage from the realities of infidelity because of the lack of trust, the emotional storm and the fact that most couples have never planned on infidelity and simply do not know how to handle it.
No one can be blamed for this however as no one would ever plan to be in such a situation. Infidelity does happen in many marriages however and as such,You may now need to know how to overcome infidelity in marriage when it does happen
Here are three things that can be helpful if your spouse has been having an affair but you still want to salvage your marriage.
Deal with Anger, Resentment & Jealousy
Anger, resentment and being jealous are all normal feelings after you find out your partner has cheated on you. However these things are ultimately not helpful to being able to move on and forgive or at least not be crushed by an affair. As such you need to find ways to stop these feelings from interfering with your day to day life and your conversations. This if course easier said that done but it has to happen or everything you do will be poisoned by these negative thoughts.
One line of thought you should follow is "I can always control how I ACT even if I cannot control how I FEEL!". Working through these feelings will take time but you are always in control of what you say and what you do even if you feel like you are going to burst if you do not get angry. If your emotions threaten to overwhelm you when communicating with your spouse simply tell them that you are too angry to talk but you will discuss it later when you calm down then go fro a walk.. You can go through that door when both of you are in the right headspace.
End Retaliation
This ideais related to controlling what you say and do but is more focused as it deals with another unhelpful thought: REVENGE.
some use verbal attacks in the form of verbal abuse, nasty comments and quips or talking about them behind their back. It might be physical attacks which is a very dangerous path but it can also mean physically attacking something they love or cherish too. It also might be passive aggressive retaliation or even worse sexual retaliation by cheating on your spouse to get them back.
Make sure these things do not happen as the bond of trust that has been pushed to absolute breaking point only need you to make one careless mistake to snap them completely. This could end your chance at rebuilding your marriage. In the end you must decide ... can I control myself and work to a solution ... it is your choice.
Leave the Past Behind
Another problem that can hinder your ability to communicate and find solutions and forgiveness in a marriage after an affair is thinking that you can reclaim the past and make things just like they were. Your marriage can never be the same again unless you ignore the whole affair and then you will be living a lie which has caused more marriages to fail than it has to keep them together.
You must instead be free from the past. The old marriage is gone, your old relationship was not what you really thought it was since they were unfaithful. Only when you realize your old life is history can you focus on your new life, your new relationship because basically, you must start from the ground up!
Click here for more information on surviving infidelity.
No one can be blamed for this however as no one would ever plan to be in such a situation. Infidelity does happen in many marriages however and as such,You may now need to know how to overcome infidelity in marriage when it does happen
Here are three things that can be helpful if your spouse has been having an affair but you still want to salvage your marriage.
Deal with Anger, Resentment & Jealousy
Anger, resentment and being jealous are all normal feelings after you find out your partner has cheated on you. However these things are ultimately not helpful to being able to move on and forgive or at least not be crushed by an affair. As such you need to find ways to stop these feelings from interfering with your day to day life and your conversations. This if course easier said that done but it has to happen or everything you do will be poisoned by these negative thoughts.
One line of thought you should follow is "I can always control how I ACT even if I cannot control how I FEEL!". Working through these feelings will take time but you are always in control of what you say and what you do even if you feel like you are going to burst if you do not get angry. If your emotions threaten to overwhelm you when communicating with your spouse simply tell them that you are too angry to talk but you will discuss it later when you calm down then go fro a walk.. You can go through that door when both of you are in the right headspace.
End Retaliation
This ideais related to controlling what you say and do but is more focused as it deals with another unhelpful thought: REVENGE.
some use verbal attacks in the form of verbal abuse, nasty comments and quips or talking about them behind their back. It might be physical attacks which is a very dangerous path but it can also mean physically attacking something they love or cherish too. It also might be passive aggressive retaliation or even worse sexual retaliation by cheating on your spouse to get them back.
Make sure these things do not happen as the bond of trust that has been pushed to absolute breaking point only need you to make one careless mistake to snap them completely. This could end your chance at rebuilding your marriage. In the end you must decide ... can I control myself and work to a solution ... it is your choice.
Leave the Past Behind
Another problem that can hinder your ability to communicate and find solutions and forgiveness in a marriage after an affair is thinking that you can reclaim the past and make things just like they were. Your marriage can never be the same again unless you ignore the whole affair and then you will be living a lie which has caused more marriages to fail than it has to keep them together.
You must instead be free from the past. The old marriage is gone, your old relationship was not what you really thought it was since they were unfaithful. Only when you realize your old life is history can you focus on your new life, your new relationship because basically, you must start from the ground up!
Click here for more information on surviving infidelity.
Monday, March 2, 2009
3 Surviving an Affair Tips
Surviving an affair can be long and arduous process for those trying to mend their shattered marriage and rebuild the trust that has been lost due to one partners cheating heart. affair surviving can be done however as many successful marriages have overcome the problems and in many cases have come through stronger and better than before; sound unlikely? Well read on for some tips on how to survive an affair.
1. Control Anger & Hurt
Before anything more can be done one of the biggest problems in surviving infidelity in a relationship is anger and hurt. These emotions serve a purpose and they are justified to someone in your position but those that give in to rage and depression over a marital affair can never move forward. For instance, you must learn when to walk away from an argument without destroying it, say you will be back after a walk because you are too angry to talk right now and continue the discussion later. Do not end the discussion completely and do not ruin it with a yelling match and end up saying hurtful things … just get the anger out of your system elsewhere then come back and try again.
2. Communicate
This can not be stressed enough! Some couples end up not communicating about the affair because they know it will lead to another argument and others purposely choose not to talk about it thinking that by burying the past it can be forgotten. Neither of these approaches work … what works and what is the hardest thing to do is to talk about the affair, find out the who, when and why because only by understanding the affair can we inject some truth back into a relationship and from there can mend the wounds and find out what needs to change …
3. Realize It Will Never Be The Same Again
This is a stumbling block for many spouses who just want things like they were before the affair and cling to that hope for so long that when it never arrives they end up even worse. The reason for this is it never CAN be the same way as it was, nothing will change that. There is however, one powerful choice you can make here that can end the misery in time; you can choose to create a new relationship out of the old one! This choice combined with what you have learned means you can leave behind the old relationship that m ay have indirectly lead to your partners cheating and create a new one together that can be affair-proof because both of you know exactly what you need to create a successful, happy marriage and both of you will want to be with each other exclusively because you give each other everything you both need!
So if you want to find out step by step guides on how to achieve these steps, overcome and survive the specter of the affair and create the new marriage that you want click below to find out more.
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