Stopping my divorce. - Advice for avoiding 3 commons mistakes.

With divorces at an all time high many couples will go through the pain and turmoil of marriage breakup. That also does not take into account the number of divorces that are stopped before they get too far! This means that even more will suffer the prospect of divorce.

So how can I pull back from the brink you ask? More importantly how do they make the marriage last in love and happiness? While every marriage and divorce are not the same, with different people, values and circumstances there are some core mistakes that people tend to make when trying to win back their partner. There are also ways to stop these mistakes and create positive outcomes instead!

Here are a few common mistakes we have all probably made in a relationship at some point that can really accelerate a divorce and some ideas you can use to change things for the better!


Reassurance - "I have changed! I swear! It will get better!"

Have you ever used this kind of desperate line? Have you had it used on you before? Did you really believe your partner when they say this? I didn't think so, even if you mean it with all your heart things have probably become so bad in your marriage this will sound desperate and insincere. It will also sound weak and will build no confidence in your partner even if it is what you THINK they want to hear. What they say and you what say are not always what is meant or what either person wants to hear. You are heading for divorce here, last minute platitudes like this will not work …

So what will work? What will reassure them? Not much you can say that’s for sure. In that case why say anything? That is right; do not reassure them of your intentions. As much as you want to say something, actions speak louder than words. Be strong and positive in your dealings with your partner and do the things you need to do without paying lip service to your intentions.


Emotional blackmail - "I love you!"

As sincere as you may be with this line it is such an obvious fall back, to them it may seem like emotional blackmail. Especially if they do deeply love you and are just hiding the fact, it can push them further away because they think you are targeting their softest least defended emotional area which can make things worse. The words “I love you” are some of the most powerful in any language. However power applied incorrectly can cause disasters and the same can be said of this line in a fragile relationship.

So can you tell them you love them? While the urge to say “I love you” will often come up it is better NOT to use it while both your emotions are so raw. Save that for when it is mended and both parties can grasp those words and their meaning with a clear head.

Arguing – “Yea but you said …”

Trying to use logic or guilt to change your partners mind is possibly the worst thing you can do. The urge to defend yourself and your actions or to point out hypocrisy or inaction of your partner is counter productive. The more you argue the more they will argue back, if you become negative they will follow suit. If you feel a need to WIN, they will not want to LOSE. The need to win or be right can be poisonous. Trying to force change can be like digging a pit to remove a pothole!

So how can you save your relationship without discussion and arguments? Again like the first point, don’t do it! Don’t get drawn into an argument and defiantly do not start one! Arguments add more discord to a fragile situation. Don’t solve the problem? Sounds like a logical fallacy right? Fix something by not fixing it? It can work! The trick is to agree with your partner no matter what you feel at the time. Do not defend yourself ... do not start a war; the ‘other’ side will be reluctant to attack if you come out with the white flag. This disengages the hostility, and will often lead your spouse to defend you where they were once attacking you! Only once the hostility and defensiveness and urge to WIN is taken away can the root causes of these problems truly come to light. Only then can a solution work itself out .. That’s right work itself out! You don’t have to try to fix it; both parties will soon start to change to solve the problems where before they would be stubborn and unwilling to move. Love will literally save the day, as corny as it sounds ... but you have to be willing to lay your ego aside so that they will do the same and let genuine love back into your relationship.


These are just a few ideas to help you patch up a marriage heading for divorce and the different circumstances of each case may require slightly different tactics but hopefully this can be of some help in your search for marital bliss!

Good luck!

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If you are serious about saving your marriage and satopping that divorce check this out